How soon is too soon to say you are in love!

Dear Life, when you bring love and longing - I hate you and love you at the same time. The longing makes the love stronger and the love makes the longing harder. It's your classic sweet&sour move. I get it. It also makes me alive, from every cell. Thanks for happening. Don't mess up this time, please. 

Sincerely,

Heart

Made my day today!

https://youtu.be/KIViy7L_lo8

Life @ 27

This! This moment right here. I stamp it as the bestest day of my life! Better than JEE rank, better than falling in love, better than everything I experienced.

So I took a video to take it all in. It was not just physical place, it was not just about Florence though it had a big role to play. It was this moment of my life, to where I have reached, no physical or sexual harm fear, no fear of goalposts, standing alone in the middle of square in a foreign land - absorbing that moment. Feeling like I made it after everything I went through and feeling I will do well! Feeling nothing and everything. This moment was my reward to myself -saying hey all those choices you made were worth this moment and here you are! You made it! Just soak it in. And I love you!

Thoughts compiled

Post sharing my thoughts on facebook, I got to see how different people perceived it and reacted to it. Following is a compilation of the same - I choose to keep the names anonymous.

Expressions:

Senior 1
There was also this one thing called 'Bandi Factor'...I remember in my 1st year, whenever i used to get worried about exam prep/marks, my guy 'friends' used to advice me to chill, reason being "bandi factor"...they didn't grow up in 4/5 years either bcos during the placements I heard the same advices :) At times I used to wonder, did I clear the exam to get into an IIT, or did I come here through some female quota?

Senior 2

Hey! Here! We too had one such amazing Orkut group in our times. It was called MastKhabar and it truly carried the most important, inspiring and stimulating news from across the campus. Some examples were interesting insights on the size of assets of fachchis, how they move when we ride our bikes or get up from our seats, the flimsiness of our garments and even characters. Some seniors issued a plea for removing those posts from the group as there was too much information to absorb. Many of us cried and many whimpered. Some of us avoided coming out of our rooms for a few days, became extremely conscious of our fitted shirts, our skin colors and people we interacted with. But what the heck. It entertained the huge cohort of intellectuals. Alas! It was pulled down by some unsocial being in a couple of weeks.

Senior 3

like i said no matter how you put it someone will find a way to be upset with it. Let me recount another incident for the benefit of our peers. Some delivery guy would come and masturbate in our hostel grounds (near the PMTs). We complained (mind you unlike some people who believe we had only been mute victims when something happened we took action). This is what we heard from the security guy "jab tum ladki log ped ke peeche kuch kuch karta hai hum dekhne jata hai?" Truth is haan woh dekhne jaate the, for some that maybe the only times they got it up. Please fucking dont tell me why did we not do something then, or there are jerks everywhere. I am fucking dealing with this bullshit and fighting and fighting for the last thirty fucking years. So if you cannot be a part of the solution shut your damn holes. Sorry Riti for crapping your wall, but i am tired of having to justify and make people see how this is not just some women ranting about old sores.

Senior 4

I would also like to add - "Girls receive good grades because their handwriting is better, and they can draw better".

    "Achchi dikhne wali bandiyon ko A B lagta hai.... sabko nahi" - told to me by a proff! (and million guys too)

Prof-
I personally believe in full personal freedom. But please allow me the leeway for my age when I say that freedom does not entitle one to irresponsibility or stupidity. An intelligent woman must understand the requirements of safety and she should be aware of the environment. While I will fight to ensure that girls have the same rights as the boys of the same Institute, I will have to subject you to advice if it comes to my knowledge that you are being irresponsible with your freedom. I believe that an intelligent girl will know how to conduct herself depending on the place and the environment, and she should judge which places are safe in which times.

Reactions :

1. Saraswati 's blog not only has the right intent but hits all the perfect notes. :) I am not sure what feminism means literally or follow it but her blog encourages me to speak up when any incident happens. I love how her writeup also reminds me of the deep rooted patriarchy within me. Also  if someone shares his/her pic to a certain group of people, no one else has any legal or moral right to make those pictures public let alone morph or use them in videos. The person who gets those pictures by any illegal means is the one to blame and should be talked about. The victim cried or not is unnecessary detail you are focussing on, she reacted however she felt.

2. Ignoring harassment is in a way encouraging it. The story Saraswati told us was something that could have been ignored, and was ignored. Do you know the incidents that happened in the last year of my stay in Kharagpur? Numerous instances of harrassment that involved physical abuse by a group of people happened that too not in a bar or in a secluded dark place(To cut off all the arguments that say "What was a girl doing there?") It happened in front of SN hall and a couple of times in 2.2! It started with those particular group of people eve teasing. People said "Just ignore and carry on", it grew to these set of people coming and touching girls(And in neither of those instances was the girl alone to rule out that possibility as well). Do you see what happens when people ignore barking? They go and bite someone else. One of the victims went to the profs complaining about the incident. Many people came to her requesting her to forgive saying, "Yaar final year hai chhod de". The punishment was "Library duty". :) This blog tells the girls to stop crying and stand up to harassers. This is not feminist or anti feminist, it is thought provoking.

3.
I m a guy kgpian 2009 pass out. Regrettably I was guilty of many of the crimes here . Outside college I talked about non males . Inside college I condoned and covered up gossips in guys circles. Even when friends were targeted I did not once walk out . Thankfully I changed later and I did not find myself in circles listening to gossips . This is a part of life I regret and wish to say sorry for being a lesser human being when I could have done better .

Musketeers in love - Part II

An old post


Finally, the three musketeers fell in love... doesn't it sound wonderful? :-) Another testimony for "Three indeed is a company" ;-)

The fact that Porthos fell in love came as much shocking to Aramis as excitement. The first step of love is admiration. Thats what made Athos fall for her love. Same goes with Armais and Porthos as well, I guess.

Unlike Athos and Porthos, Aramis discretion failed in her first love. She kept thinking, exaggerating each and every thought. What she loved was the thoughts. Finally what she had to quit was her thoughts which would not have been possible without Athos. :-) The final lesson she learnt was Discretion. To analyse whether the thought is right or not instead of thinking the thought is always right. Inspite of all the pains and lessons, first love remains first love. doesn't it?

For Athos, the journey was difficult Aramis being the silent spectator and Porthos being the excited one ;-). Her beloved one's decision was inclined towards respecting parents. But, she had the nobility to accept it. There were times when friends were made only within the sects. As time flew, friends are made from different sects. Lets hope that the society might someday accept the union of people from different sects so that there would be no other Athos who had to hold things more than her plate could.

As for Porthos, unpredictable she is. She had managed to surprise and fascinate both Athos and Porthos. As of now, she is going through her sweet pain of first love too. Soon she will be over it and lets see what would be the final outcome. 

Three musketeers, so like they are yet so different. Lets not decide upon whether they have won or failed because what matters is whether they have learnt to accept and live with it. Lets see what future awaits them. ;-) 

Many lessons learnt, 

Many pains they bore,

Many are the differences they had

Many are the struggles they fought

At the end of the day,

what made them happy was that

"They are the three musketeers

and they are happy being, together forever". :-)

Aramis

Musketeers in love - Part I

An old post.


What started as a joke on the bridge on one fine rainy day soon became reality. Athos fell in love. Lets say she was in love with him from ever since she knew herself and now she just realized it as he responded to too. It just took a moment for them to build in the most sought intimacy with each other. As if it had been like that forever. Aramis being sweet one was in love with the love but Porthos drifted apart. With reasons many, things were swinging from the end of true togetherness to total indifference, between Athos and Porthos. Aramis was a silend spectator. 

Time was all it needed. In no time things stopped from swinging. It had reached a state of neutrality, but true friends - could anything really drift them apart. :) Time had to tell. 
Aramis, Athos and her new found love soon became good friends. Met each other frequently and shared ideas. Often Aramis was the sole counselor for their fights ;).. Naah! wait ! Lifew hadnt got this boring. It was Aramis's turn now.

The new found love had held Aramis tight. Confused and perplexed - the journey seemed short as much as it appeared long. She didnt understand where was it going to end, he didnt respond. The wait went long but the beloved's response was only getting colder. All this while what Aramis and Athos were unaware of was - Porthos was secretly falling in love with someone too and busy with her own fight of- to be or not to be. 

The longing had drained Aramis now. Nothing else seemed interesting but the thoughts themselves. Times when discretion didnt work neither did the knowledge of right and wrong. But dear Aramis was strong and she took her call. Called it quits. Ironically there was nothing to call in quits but she did :P. The beloved's character erased of our lives and remained as sweet memory. Well, Porthos was still dwindling. As for Athos, she was on the journey of her love life with ups and downs , highs and lows, confusions and clarity, misunderstandings and love again :)

Not long before the silent clouds of foreseen thunder arrived. Porthos had to depart from her love- which was untold and unrequited. For Athos, love life was being more unseekable. May she was holding something more than her plate could have. Everything only seemed to fall apart. It was time to take a decision or may the destiny had already had it for her. The first reality of life- she was out of the lovely chain of love, back to real world. Struggling to get back and get ready to face it all. But for Porthos, decision had a long way to go. 

She never understood! what he meant! what he said! For her- may be this was the way expressed by not expressing at all or may it was all her mind that was making the stories. The sweet tears of first love and longing crawled in again. The wait only got longer, but there is no other path to it as well but to wait, isnt it? :)

 Made Porthos all the more cuteness personified. Athos heard her and life sprung in back to her. Like Porthos, like Athos. As if this love was hers. Realized that love could touch anyone anytime, the sweet pain it had yet how irritating it is as much as loving it is .. LOL.. 

And then Athos gave long to Aramis telling how sweetly loved had touched them all - the three musketeers. And journey was still long.....

* Beloveds are.... you know ;)

P.S. Aramis-  As porthos was crying of her confusion and his unresponsiveness, I told of your struggle and mine too. Porthos has to decide for herself, I am all the more excited though ;)

An open letter to the Director ...Gender Insensitivity: Part III ...

Dear Sir,

I write to you for the first time and I address this in a public forum. I would start with saying that I deeply respect you. I have heard good words during my stay and beyond and have celebrated your appointment for this position of responsibility, like every other fellow KGPian. I believe, it has been your encouragement, which reached us in one or other form, through open letters, that today I am mustering up the courage to address you through an open letter.

I do not speak for all girls but for a good enough bunch who deserve to be heard. I speak for myself! And it is important to speak today because these conversations need to be heard beyond hostel rooms, beyond coffee shops, beyond closed Facebook groups and mailing lists, beyond our own ears. And I speak up like this because I do not know (for sure) of any other way of reaching out to the management.

When you took up the charge, you told us:

" ..today, when we are all united in courage, strength, hope and capability -- when faculty, students, staff, BoG, Government, anyone connected to our Institute -- past or present -- the scientific community and even complete strangers have all come together to wish IIT Kharagpur well and helped hold its head high, I believe we stand a good chance to do something worthwhile."

And as much as I want to wish Kharagpur well, I can't. As much as I wish my alma mater holds its head high, I cannot bring myself up to do it. I do not want to work towards enhancing the identity of my alma mater which questioned my identity each day.

I write to you today to bring to your notice the blatant sexism that happens in the face of the institute, inside the institute and the hostels on campus. And yes, gender insensitivity here is not just at student community level but also in classrooms.

"All you have to do is smile at the Professors to get an A grade.." is a remark me and my batch-mates have heard from students and professors alike. "You can't win, because you are a girl", "You won because you are girl", "Girls here are ugly", and many more hurtful remarks are a part of our lives on campus which we silently absorb in the name of being strong and mature and practical. Let me assure you, Sir, I am not here to count and cry about those remarks. I am here to bring your attention to these.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir_IAaQvqIg&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wez5GBEKFOA&feature=youtu.be

www.fapkgp.tumblr.com ('Fap' means masturbation.)

These are videos made by some guys of my own college and there are worse versions available on our campus DC++. We were repeatedly told that skewed gender ratio leads to such actions and I believed them. But, no Sir, no. Skewed sex ratios do not lead to such actions, the inability to respect people does. The courage that they can get away with morphing pictures of their batch-mates leads to such actions. The confidence that they will get away with no strict disciplinary action leads to such actions. Their confidence in their sense of entitlement, to disrespect and judge women on the campus, leads to such actions. Actions which have lead to, at best, a haunting nightmare, and at worst, lasting emotional scars in the collective population of women that have passed through these hallowed portals of education. Actions which have lead us to question our own capabilities.

On Independence Day, you said "The people of this country pay for our sustenance in the hope that we shall change India and usher in a better future for them. We cannot afford to destroy the hopes and faith that they have bestowed on us." 

And you are absolutely right, Sir. People around me look up to IITians to set an example, and have been shocked to know that sexism is prevalent at such high rates at an institute which boasts of respecting talent and intelligence. Surely, we cannot let them down. It needs to change.

You asked us, "What India shall we build my friends? What sort of Indians shall we become?"

I request you Sir, let's build an India, and an institute with environment that is free of gender insensitivity. I request you to encourage my fellow KGPians to respect each other as they are and not for who they are. I request you NOT to put restrictions on either gender for safety but teach what an open environment is about. We have tried the restriction method, haven't we - from 11 PM rule to proposal of dress codes during fests. We have imposed restrictions on ourselves, our juniors and friends. But these restrictions have only resulted in further segregation and compartmentalization rather than inclusion. We're students seeking your guidance on inclusion, not girls and boys who need to be 'handled' separately.

We have done enough of praying for safety, maybe it's time to fight the demons now!

I request you to lead the way, the foremost step being taking strong action against these cyber crimes.

Jai Hind!

Saraswati