Hope and Love - Musketeers

There are stories to be written. Life has moved so much in these years. Porthos and Aramis are married, their beautiful loves stories are the next stories. Today we it's about Athos.

After all these years she fell in love! He was a dream. He was more she could wish for. His smile was the the most welcoming of all. The way he held her in his arms, it was her safe space. Oh! you should have seen him greet the world, like everyone belonged to him. And they loved him back too. He embodied empathy. And, and then there is this side of him, which would get excited with the smallest of this things. Beaming eyes and a big smile - right there! She loved making him laugh, although lot of her jokes would fall flat :/, they would manage to get a smile for their absurdity, I guess. He was a feminist like she had ever known or seen. He was goodness. He was home for everything she had ever experienced. He was home for Athos!

She was in love. After years of meeting and seeing people, you know when someone right - you just know that you are going all in. And she decided to go all in too. And that's where she screwed up :). Athos came with her baggage - of all these years. Her feelings intensity, her questioning self-worth, constant validation - had become a part of her without even her realizing it. All the bitterness that she had, became her. It wasn't long before she ended up taking up space in the us. Her fears, her anxieties, her bitterness.

It ended.

Life doesn't give second chances and hope Athos learns it well by now. She keeps waiting though - for her one chance, to make things right again - with him. To make him fall in love with the goodness that she is, to clean her bitterness away. I hope she finds her way back - to love, to him! God, are you listening, one chance.

S! - the tease!

#AskForIt

One of the most important part of any movement is voicing our concerns. I acknowledge that it is not the easiest of the choices but it's one which has the power. Power to create a movement. Power to give courage to someone else who was looking for another voice. Power to support. Power to make thing happen. Voice concerns. #AskForIt

#AskingForIt is a term that trickled through time. To everything that a woman faces, I still see a question mark on peoples' faces which mildly suggest "may be she was asking for it" - in some of the best people I meet. So this new year, lets decide to change the narrative. #AskForIt

1. Anti-sexual harassment policy
• If your organization has more than 10 members of any gender, you should have this policy place. If you are part of any educational institution, company especially start-up - you can request to see this policy. #AskForIt
2. Create a policy if there isn't one
1. If there isn't one place, offer to make one. There are online templates available. Or reach out to any pro-bono lawyer and suggest a draft version to your co-founders. #AskForIt
3. Internal Complaints Committee
1. Your company must have an internal complaints committee to handle issues. Ensure you know who they are, ensure there are woman on that committee, with equal representation. #AskForIt
4. Performance Management and maternity leave
1. As per law, maternity leave cannot change conditions of employment. One of the conditions of employment is a bonus payout. You can also reset your OKRs with your manager in writing. Ensure you #AskForIt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_Harassment_of_Women_at_Workplace_(Prevention,_Prohibition_and_Redressal)_Act,_2013

http://www.helplinelaw.com/1/METB/maternity-benefits-act-1961-act-under-the-maternity-benefits-act-1961.html

It's important to know what all you can ask for. I am working on sourcing such information. If any of you know have worked on something like this, would request you to share.

Saraswati

Re:How soon is too soon to say you are in love!

Dear Heart,

Its never too soon to fall in love. I would like to believe sometimes all it takes is a moment of intuition. So no, its never too soon.

Sorry, for this time. I messed up. Because I am still a little messy I guess. Grappled with past/ stupidity has a thin line - I hope I havent crossed that yet, heart. I know that heart was your safe place but I was not making it safe for that heart to come in. I will learn and I will get better. Stay with me! I will happen one day, all at once.

Forever figuring out,
Life

How soon is too soon to say you are in love!

Dear Life, when you bring love and longing - I hate you and love you at the same time. The longing makes the love stronger and the love makes the longing harder. It's your classic sweet&sour move. I get it. It also makes me alive, from every cell. Thanks for happening. Don't mess up this time, please. 

Sincerely,

Heart

Made my day today!

https://youtu.be/KIViy7L_lo8

Life @ 27

This! This moment right here. I stamp it as the bestest day of my life! Better than JEE rank, better than falling in love, better than everything I experienced.

So I took a video to take it all in. It was not just physical place, it was not just about Florence though it had a big role to play. It was this moment of my life, to where I have reached, no physical or sexual harm fear, no fear of goalposts, standing alone in the middle of square in a foreign land - absorbing that moment. Feeling like I made it after everything I went through and feeling I will do well! Feeling nothing and everything. This moment was my reward to myself -saying hey all those choices you made were worth this moment and here you are! You made it! Just soak it in. And I love you!

Thoughts compiled

Post sharing my thoughts on facebook, I got to see how different people perceived it and reacted to it. Following is a compilation of the same - I choose to keep the names anonymous.

Expressions:

Senior 1
There was also this one thing called 'Bandi Factor'...I remember in my 1st year, whenever i used to get worried about exam prep/marks, my guy 'friends' used to advice me to chill, reason being "bandi factor"...they didn't grow up in 4/5 years either bcos during the placements I heard the same advices :) At times I used to wonder, did I clear the exam to get into an IIT, or did I come here through some female quota?

Senior 2

Hey! Here! We too had one such amazing Orkut group in our times. It was called MastKhabar and it truly carried the most important, inspiring and stimulating news from across the campus. Some examples were interesting insights on the size of assets of fachchis, how they move when we ride our bikes or get up from our seats, the flimsiness of our garments and even characters. Some seniors issued a plea for removing those posts from the group as there was too much information to absorb. Many of us cried and many whimpered. Some of us avoided coming out of our rooms for a few days, became extremely conscious of our fitted shirts, our skin colors and people we interacted with. But what the heck. It entertained the huge cohort of intellectuals. Alas! It was pulled down by some unsocial being in a couple of weeks.

Senior 3

like i said no matter how you put it someone will find a way to be upset with it. Let me recount another incident for the benefit of our peers. Some delivery guy would come and masturbate in our hostel grounds (near the PMTs). We complained (mind you unlike some people who believe we had only been mute victims when something happened we took action). This is what we heard from the security guy "jab tum ladki log ped ke peeche kuch kuch karta hai hum dekhne jata hai?" Truth is haan woh dekhne jaate the, for some that maybe the only times they got it up. Please fucking dont tell me why did we not do something then, or there are jerks everywhere. I am fucking dealing with this bullshit and fighting and fighting for the last thirty fucking years. So if you cannot be a part of the solution shut your damn holes. Sorry Riti for crapping your wall, but i am tired of having to justify and make people see how this is not just some women ranting about old sores.

Senior 4

I would also like to add - "Girls receive good grades because their handwriting is better, and they can draw better".

    "Achchi dikhne wali bandiyon ko A B lagta hai.... sabko nahi" - told to me by a proff! (and million guys too)

Prof-
I personally believe in full personal freedom. But please allow me the leeway for my age when I say that freedom does not entitle one to irresponsibility or stupidity. An intelligent woman must understand the requirements of safety and she should be aware of the environment. While I will fight to ensure that girls have the same rights as the boys of the same Institute, I will have to subject you to advice if it comes to my knowledge that you are being irresponsible with your freedom. I believe that an intelligent girl will know how to conduct herself depending on the place and the environment, and she should judge which places are safe in which times.

Reactions :

1. Saraswati 's blog not only has the right intent but hits all the perfect notes. :) I am not sure what feminism means literally or follow it but her blog encourages me to speak up when any incident happens. I love how her writeup also reminds me of the deep rooted patriarchy within me. Also  if someone shares his/her pic to a certain group of people, no one else has any legal or moral right to make those pictures public let alone morph or use them in videos. The person who gets those pictures by any illegal means is the one to blame and should be talked about. The victim cried or not is unnecessary detail you are focussing on, she reacted however she felt.

2. Ignoring harassment is in a way encouraging it. The story Saraswati told us was something that could have been ignored, and was ignored. Do you know the incidents that happened in the last year of my stay in Kharagpur? Numerous instances of harrassment that involved physical abuse by a group of people happened that too not in a bar or in a secluded dark place(To cut off all the arguments that say "What was a girl doing there?") It happened in front of SN hall and a couple of times in 2.2! It started with those particular group of people eve teasing. People said "Just ignore and carry on", it grew to these set of people coming and touching girls(And in neither of those instances was the girl alone to rule out that possibility as well). Do you see what happens when people ignore barking? They go and bite someone else. One of the victims went to the profs complaining about the incident. Many people came to her requesting her to forgive saying, "Yaar final year hai chhod de". The punishment was "Library duty". :) This blog tells the girls to stop crying and stand up to harassers. This is not feminist or anti feminist, it is thought provoking.

3.
I m a guy kgpian 2009 pass out. Regrettably I was guilty of many of the crimes here . Outside college I talked about non males . Inside college I condoned and covered up gossips in guys circles. Even when friends were targeted I did not once walk out . Thankfully I changed later and I did not find myself in circles listening to gossips . This is a part of life I regret and wish to say sorry for being a lesser human being when I could have done better .