Thoughts compiled

Post sharing my thoughts on facebook, I got to see how different people perceived it and reacted to it. Following is a compilation of the same - I choose to keep the names anonymous.

Expressions:

Senior 1
There was also this one thing called 'Bandi Factor'...I remember in my 1st year, whenever i used to get worried about exam prep/marks, my guy 'friends' used to advice me to chill, reason being "bandi factor"...they didn't grow up in 4/5 years either bcos during the placements I heard the same advices :) At times I used to wonder, did I clear the exam to get into an IIT, or did I come here through some female quota?

Senior 2

Hey! Here! We too had one such amazing Orkut group in our times. It was called MastKhabar and it truly carried the most important, inspiring and stimulating news from across the campus. Some examples were interesting insights on the size of assets of fachchis, how they move when we ride our bikes or get up from our seats, the flimsiness of our garments and even characters. Some seniors issued a plea for removing those posts from the group as there was too much information to absorb. Many of us cried and many whimpered. Some of us avoided coming out of our rooms for a few days, became extremely conscious of our fitted shirts, our skin colors and people we interacted with. But what the heck. It entertained the huge cohort of intellectuals. Alas! It was pulled down by some unsocial being in a couple of weeks.

Senior 3

like i said no matter how you put it someone will find a way to be upset with it. Let me recount another incident for the benefit of our peers. Some delivery guy would come and masturbate in our hostel grounds (near the PMTs). We complained (mind you unlike some people who believe we had only been mute victims when something happened we took action). This is what we heard from the security guy "jab tum ladki log ped ke peeche kuch kuch karta hai hum dekhne jata hai?" Truth is haan woh dekhne jaate the, for some that maybe the only times they got it up. Please fucking dont tell me why did we not do something then, or there are jerks everywhere. I am fucking dealing with this bullshit and fighting and fighting for the last thirty fucking years. So if you cannot be a part of the solution shut your damn holes. Sorry Riti for crapping your wall, but i am tired of having to justify and make people see how this is not just some women ranting about old sores.

Senior 4

I would also like to add - "Girls receive good grades because their handwriting is better, and they can draw better".

    "Achchi dikhne wali bandiyon ko A B lagta hai.... sabko nahi" - told to me by a proff! (and million guys too)

Prof-
I personally believe in full personal freedom. But please allow me the leeway for my age when I say that freedom does not entitle one to irresponsibility or stupidity. An intelligent woman must understand the requirements of safety and she should be aware of the environment. While I will fight to ensure that girls have the same rights as the boys of the same Institute, I will have to subject you to advice if it comes to my knowledge that you are being irresponsible with your freedom. I believe that an intelligent girl will know how to conduct herself depending on the place and the environment, and she should judge which places are safe in which times.

Reactions :

1. Saraswati 's blog not only has the right intent but hits all the perfect notes. :) I am not sure what feminism means literally or follow it but her blog encourages me to speak up when any incident happens. I love how her writeup also reminds me of the deep rooted patriarchy within me. Also  if someone shares his/her pic to a certain group of people, no one else has any legal or moral right to make those pictures public let alone morph or use them in videos. The person who gets those pictures by any illegal means is the one to blame and should be talked about. The victim cried or not is unnecessary detail you are focussing on, she reacted however she felt.

2. Ignoring harassment is in a way encouraging it. The story Saraswati told us was something that could have been ignored, and was ignored. Do you know the incidents that happened in the last year of my stay in Kharagpur? Numerous instances of harrassment that involved physical abuse by a group of people happened that too not in a bar or in a secluded dark place(To cut off all the arguments that say "What was a girl doing there?") It happened in front of SN hall and a couple of times in 2.2! It started with those particular group of people eve teasing. People said "Just ignore and carry on", it grew to these set of people coming and touching girls(And in neither of those instances was the girl alone to rule out that possibility as well). Do you see what happens when people ignore barking? They go and bite someone else. One of the victims went to the profs complaining about the incident. Many people came to her requesting her to forgive saying, "Yaar final year hai chhod de". The punishment was "Library duty". :) This blog tells the girls to stop crying and stand up to harassers. This is not feminist or anti feminist, it is thought provoking.

3.
I m a guy kgpian 2009 pass out. Regrettably I was guilty of many of the crimes here . Outside college I talked about non males . Inside college I condoned and covered up gossips in guys circles. Even when friends were targeted I did not once walk out . Thankfully I changed later and I did not find myself in circles listening to gossips . This is a part of life I regret and wish to say sorry for being a lesser human being when I could have done better .

Musketeers in love - Part II

An old post


Finally, the three musketeers fell in love... doesn't it sound wonderful? :-) Another testimony for "Three indeed is a company" ;-)

The fact that Porthos fell in love came as much shocking to Aramis as excitement. The first step of love is admiration. Thats what made Athos fall for her love. Same goes with Armais and Porthos as well, I guess.

Unlike Athos and Porthos, Aramis discretion failed in her first love. She kept thinking, exaggerating each and every thought. What she loved was the thoughts. Finally what she had to quit was her thoughts which would not have been possible without Athos. :-) The final lesson she learnt was Discretion. To analyse whether the thought is right or not instead of thinking the thought is always right. Inspite of all the pains and lessons, first love remains first love. doesn't it?

For Athos, the journey was difficult Aramis being the silent spectator and Porthos being the excited one ;-). Her beloved one's decision was inclined towards respecting parents. But, she had the nobility to accept it. There were times when friends were made only within the sects. As time flew, friends are made from different sects. Lets hope that the society might someday accept the union of people from different sects so that there would be no other Athos who had to hold things more than her plate could.

As for Porthos, unpredictable she is. She had managed to surprise and fascinate both Athos and Porthos. As of now, she is going through her sweet pain of first love too. Soon she will be over it and lets see what would be the final outcome. 

Three musketeers, so like they are yet so different. Lets not decide upon whether they have won or failed because what matters is whether they have learnt to accept and live with it. Lets see what future awaits them. ;-) 

Many lessons learnt, 

Many pains they bore,

Many are the differences they had

Many are the struggles they fought

At the end of the day,

what made them happy was that

"They are the three musketeers

and they are happy being, together forever". :-)

Aramis

Musketeers in love - Part I

An old post.


What started as a joke on the bridge on one fine rainy day soon became reality. Athos fell in love. Lets say she was in love with him from ever since she knew herself and now she just realized it as he responded to too. It just took a moment for them to build in the most sought intimacy with each other. As if it had been like that forever. Aramis being sweet one was in love with the love but Porthos drifted apart. With reasons many, things were swinging from the end of true togetherness to total indifference, between Athos and Porthos. Aramis was a silend spectator. 

Time was all it needed. In no time things stopped from swinging. It had reached a state of neutrality, but true friends - could anything really drift them apart. :) Time had to tell. 
Aramis, Athos and her new found love soon became good friends. Met each other frequently and shared ideas. Often Aramis was the sole counselor for their fights ;).. Naah! wait ! Lifew hadnt got this boring. It was Aramis's turn now.

The new found love had held Aramis tight. Confused and perplexed - the journey seemed short as much as it appeared long. She didnt understand where was it going to end, he didnt respond. The wait went long but the beloved's response was only getting colder. All this while what Aramis and Athos were unaware of was - Porthos was secretly falling in love with someone too and busy with her own fight of- to be or not to be. 

The longing had drained Aramis now. Nothing else seemed interesting but the thoughts themselves. Times when discretion didnt work neither did the knowledge of right and wrong. But dear Aramis was strong and she took her call. Called it quits. Ironically there was nothing to call in quits but she did :P. The beloved's character erased of our lives and remained as sweet memory. Well, Porthos was still dwindling. As for Athos, she was on the journey of her love life with ups and downs , highs and lows, confusions and clarity, misunderstandings and love again :)

Not long before the silent clouds of foreseen thunder arrived. Porthos had to depart from her love- which was untold and unrequited. For Athos, love life was being more unseekable. May she was holding something more than her plate could have. Everything only seemed to fall apart. It was time to take a decision or may the destiny had already had it for her. The first reality of life- she was out of the lovely chain of love, back to real world. Struggling to get back and get ready to face it all. But for Porthos, decision had a long way to go. 

She never understood! what he meant! what he said! For her- may be this was the way expressed by not expressing at all or may it was all her mind that was making the stories. The sweet tears of first love and longing crawled in again. The wait only got longer, but there is no other path to it as well but to wait, isnt it? :)

 Made Porthos all the more cuteness personified. Athos heard her and life sprung in back to her. Like Porthos, like Athos. As if this love was hers. Realized that love could touch anyone anytime, the sweet pain it had yet how irritating it is as much as loving it is .. LOL.. 

And then Athos gave long to Aramis telling how sweetly loved had touched them all - the three musketeers. And journey was still long.....

* Beloveds are.... you know ;)

P.S. Aramis-  As porthos was crying of her confusion and his unresponsiveness, I told of your struggle and mine too. Porthos has to decide for herself, I am all the more excited though ;)

An open letter to the Director ...Gender Insensitivity: Part III ...

Dear Sir,

I write to you for the first time and I address this in a public forum. I would start with saying that I deeply respect you. I have heard good words during my stay and beyond and have celebrated your appointment for this position of responsibility, like every other fellow KGPian. I believe, it has been your encouragement, which reached us in one or other form, through open letters, that today I am mustering up the courage to address you through an open letter.

I do not speak for all girls but for a good enough bunch who deserve to be heard. I speak for myself! And it is important to speak today because these conversations need to be heard beyond hostel rooms, beyond coffee shops, beyond closed Facebook groups and mailing lists, beyond our own ears. And I speak up like this because I do not know (for sure) of any other way of reaching out to the management.

When you took up the charge, you told us:

" ..today, when we are all united in courage, strength, hope and capability -- when faculty, students, staff, BoG, Government, anyone connected to our Institute -- past or present -- the scientific community and even complete strangers have all come together to wish IIT Kharagpur well and helped hold its head high, I believe we stand a good chance to do something worthwhile."

And as much as I want to wish Kharagpur well, I can't. As much as I wish my alma mater holds its head high, I cannot bring myself up to do it. I do not want to work towards enhancing the identity of my alma mater which questioned my identity each day.

I write to you today to bring to your notice the blatant sexism that happens in the face of the institute, inside the institute and the hostels on campus. And yes, gender insensitivity here is not just at student community level but also in classrooms.

"All you have to do is smile at the Professors to get an A grade.." is a remark me and my batch-mates have heard from students and professors alike. "You can't win, because you are a girl", "You won because you are girl", "Girls here are ugly", and many more hurtful remarks are a part of our lives on campus which we silently absorb in the name of being strong and mature and practical. Let me assure you, Sir, I am not here to count and cry about those remarks. I am here to bring your attention to these.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir_IAaQvqIg&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wez5GBEKFOA&feature=youtu.be

www.fapkgp.tumblr.com ('Fap' means masturbation.)

These are videos made by some guys of my own college and there are worse versions available on our campus DC++. We were repeatedly told that skewed gender ratio leads to such actions and I believed them. But, no Sir, no. Skewed sex ratios do not lead to such actions, the inability to respect people does. The courage that they can get away with morphing pictures of their batch-mates leads to such actions. The confidence that they will get away with no strict disciplinary action leads to such actions. Their confidence in their sense of entitlement, to disrespect and judge women on the campus, leads to such actions. Actions which have lead to, at best, a haunting nightmare, and at worst, lasting emotional scars in the collective population of women that have passed through these hallowed portals of education. Actions which have lead us to question our own capabilities.

On Independence Day, you said "The people of this country pay for our sustenance in the hope that we shall change India and usher in a better future for them. We cannot afford to destroy the hopes and faith that they have bestowed on us." 

And you are absolutely right, Sir. People around me look up to IITians to set an example, and have been shocked to know that sexism is prevalent at such high rates at an institute which boasts of respecting talent and intelligence. Surely, we cannot let them down. It needs to change.

You asked us, "What India shall we build my friends? What sort of Indians shall we become?"

I request you Sir, let's build an India, and an institute with environment that is free of gender insensitivity. I request you to encourage my fellow KGPians to respect each other as they are and not for who they are. I request you NOT to put restrictions on either gender for safety but teach what an open environment is about. We have tried the restriction method, haven't we - from 11 PM rule to proposal of dress codes during fests. We have imposed restrictions on ourselves, our juniors and friends. But these restrictions have only resulted in further segregation and compartmentalization rather than inclusion. We're students seeking your guidance on inclusion, not girls and boys who need to be 'handled' separately.

We have done enough of praying for safety, maybe it's time to fight the demons now!

I request you to lead the way, the foremost step being taking strong action against these cyber crimes.

Jai Hind!

Saraswati

Gender Insensitivity: Part II ...@IIT from and an IITian

And I am here to write again. To share a personal story.

By second year, I had sort of made peace with the biases. May be I gave in to some, kept some to fight later and ignored some. May be all those harmonal reasons they give are true. May be skewed sex ratio makes it like this. Reasons we told ourselves, reasons we seldom believed in, reasons we wish were not true! But anyway, how much worse could it be as long as we ignore it? May be "sour grapes", is a reason.

She was crying today in the wing. Inconsolable and innocent, I remember her face. Red wet eyes with anger, regret and helplessness. "They made a collage of our pictures and put it on DC++", another friend mentioned. "Which pics?", I asked. The hostel party (happens inside the hostel) ones. "Probably just a collage, of all of us. I am sure it should be okay.". "You might want to see it first because it is NOT okay", she said. 

The heart stopped for moment. I tried to remember what I was wearing. In split of moment I realized it wasn't just me but each one of us. I rushed to watch the video. A run of all the hostel party pictures, zoomed in at places you wouldn't want them to, repeatedly shown on a loop, covering each one of us! There was her, my inconsolable friend. This was all over the campus as we just watched it on our laptops. Probably them laughing at it and feeling proud!

"Some guy wanted to give it back to this senior who said no to him", someone informed. He had access to her laptop, he found these there. Her batch pictures are here too." Morphed pictures, played on loop with a most possible dirty song and zoomed in to show compromised places. "It's removed from the sharing now.", my senior consoled. 
"Someone put it back", exclaimed a batchmate. It would disappear and reappear.

"Sour grapes", I am sick of this reasoning. No, no one has the right to do this to anyone. No one. Each picture reminds me how dirty I felt of living there, being among them. And in recent years, one such video was uploaded on YouTube! IT WAS. I cry as write this, I wish I could smack those boys. (It was removed after a spam complaint and I have a hate email in inbox for reporting spam)

I write this today because a 4-year senior of mine mentions a similar experience. I write this today because 5 year junior of mine experiences the same, when her FB profile pictures were morphed on unforgivable images.

I write this today because one decade is too long a time for people experiencing same things over and over again!

I write this today because for the rest of my college time, we were not allowed to take pictures from any other camera apart from the hostel camera. THIS was a RULE of the common room. Because we lived in a fear that our OWN batchmates would make it difficult for us if they get access to it. Because my photographer friend spent hours segregating pics which can't be zoomed in and spent utmost caution in sharing pictures. Not because of an outsider but my very own batch!

Saraswati

Gender Insensitivity - Part I ...at IIT from an IITian

So, I graduated from IIT Kharagpur. IITs, you would have heard a lot about the skewed sex ratios and how girls can't make it to this elite institute. Well, that is just starters. Gender bias inside the institute is painful and sad at so many levels. I do not speak for all girls but for a good enough bunch who deserve to be heard. I do not speak against any gender but against this society which proves that education has nothing to do with biases. I speak for myself! And it is important to speak today because these conversations need to be heard beyond hostel rooms, beyond coffee shops, beyond our own ears.

This is going to be a series of posts. Of course, there is so much I can tell about that, that this space isn't sufficient but I am going to make myself heard, today! 4 years after I graduated from KGP when I realize how it has brought out the worst of me, a small town conservative Telugu girl.


First Year

Non-Males:                                                 1st Month
She said, "So, they call us non-males here"
Me: "Oh! That's good na, they think we are equals. We are as good as them, just not males." (Because I thought it was good being like a guy - yeah, traditional grooming.)
She said, "No dumbo, it's not because we are equals but because we are not feminine enough to be called females."

I cringed. What? But why would someone say that?, I thought to myself. Then I saw those T-shirts of how non-beautiful all the girls are in our college and those DC chats with how ugly facchis (first years) were. I heard people talking about one girl's facial hair and so on...

Campus isn't safe!                                      2nd Month

This lovely senior of mine who I adore, came one night to the first year's block. She said, "Soon, you'll have auditions and guys will make advances. If things go beyond control, you see people pushing you to something, inform me. We are here to protect you. Every senior is here to take care of you. Things have happened in past which I won't mention now, but be careful!"

But, but why would someone do something wrong here, this is IIT. I..I shouldn't talk to guys, isn't that what Mom said too. I did not venture out, no society, no roaming in campus. May be I did over-react but it always made me wonder why she said so!

You can't win! You are girls. Girls don't win.             4th Month

"Why you are even working on it, you know girls don't win ILLU!! May you can try Rangoli, that's more a girl thing, you know!", my batchmate said.

"But, but I work hard for it, every night. I want to work for winning, why do you think I can't. I'll show you, I can." A silent gender battle I started within myself, to win against them. And then came Dramatics. So many nights of endless rehearsals. They said, "We had to prove ourselves".

"Why do I have to always prove? May be it will end if I prove this one time." On stage, during the most emotionally sad scene, these bunch of guys laughed. Laughed so hard that everyone laughed, even the judges. I cried. I..I worked hard for this, they can't do this. And, yes they did it only for the girls' hostel! "Come on, you can't win. The laugh might make judges sympathetic and give you a consolation. You shall be thankful", he said. May be, may be he was right. May be we weren't good enough. The next four years, I never told my team we should play to win. I said, we won't, let's just have some fun. 

"Not beautiful, not elected"                           9th Month

"She is not beautiful. Let us choose her, she is beautiful and smart. Guys would give her votes", they said in the hostel. They said, "Let's be practical. We value skills but guys would vote for hotness. Didn't they make her lose last year because she wasn't charming enough?"

But, you are my seniors, I thought. How could you say or think like this. May be you are right. Beauty does matter but I am not pretty. May be, I should become more shady. Shady, so that no one notices. Because notice might bring comments I am not ready to hear. It will bring those chats on DC++ about my body, I don't want to hear that.

"Vigil Team"                            10th Month

"Ladki log aaj bahut badmashi karta hai. Hall day hain na. Pee-paake late jaata, phir humko jaake laana padtha." - said the security didi. The day when everyone gets high at someone's else's hostel. Everyone is allowed to enter every other hostel.

I should, I should come back soon. That would be safe. Then, then I saw them running. What happened I asked. "A batchmate got drunk and they are taking pictures, indecent ones. We got to bring her back." I knew what would follow. Endless pursuit of removing those pictures from DC++, which no matter what, would surface again. 

Thank God I stayed back!

The society has affected us in ways we never realize. IIT KGP was one place where gender insensitivity was ingrained in all genders. It damaged me in ways I couldn't come to terms with.

More to follow.

P.S.  DC++ is a local file sharing hub with chat option.

ILLU is a traditional way of celebrating Diwali at KGP, which involves making giant figures on big structures lighting oil diyas.

Love!

Have you ever loved someone?... Truly loved... Its...its beautiful, so damn beautiful.

 To love the way they smile, to love the way they screw up, to love the way they speak to you..to witness your heart skiping a beat the moment you hear that voice....every single time. To love someone so much that it fills you up, completely. To love the way they surrender and speak their mind, to love to see them being themselves. :)

Love is beautiful. It is such an amazing experience yet I seldom see people speaking about it. Beauty to feel lost in time, to sink in eyes, to hold hands, like those nerves at the centre of the palm have a direct connection to heart, you connect and become one. To have that smile of having some you love. 

Love is effortless. You would be in for a surprize, to know you could love someone so much. You just know that its gonna last, you know it from the very first moment but the reasons take time, the mind takes time. Also, I think you never get over it, you cant. I think, you just stay eternally grateful for the that time, your little forever.

 It's...beautiful... and that's the only word I have for it. Go, love someone today. Even if it means a heartbreak, it would be worth the ride!