Gender Insensitivity - Part I ...at IIT from an IITian

So, I graduated from IIT Kharagpur. IITs, you would have heard a lot about the skewed sex ratios and how girls can't make it to this elite institute. Well, that is just starters. Gender bias inside the institute is painful and sad at so many levels. I do not speak for all girls but for a good enough bunch who deserve to be heard. I do not speak against any gender but against this society which proves that education has nothing to do with biases. I speak for myself! And it is important to speak today because these conversations need to be heard beyond hostel rooms, beyond coffee shops, beyond our own ears.

This is going to be a series of posts. Of course, there is so much I can tell about that, that this space isn't sufficient but I am going to make myself heard, today! 4 years after I graduated from KGP when I realize how it has brought out the worst of me, a small town conservative Telugu girl.


First Year

Non-Males:                                                 1st Month
She said, "So, they call us non-males here"
Me: "Oh! That's good na, they think we are equals. We are as good as them, just not males." (Because I thought it was good being like a guy - yeah, traditional grooming.)
She said, "No dumbo, it's not because we are equals but because we are not feminine enough to be called females."

I cringed. What? But why would someone say that?, I thought to myself. Then I saw those T-shirts of how non-beautiful all the girls are in our college and those DC chats with how ugly facchis (first years) were. I heard people talking about one girl's facial hair and so on...

Campus isn't safe!                                      2nd Month

This lovely senior of mine who I adore, came one night to the first year's block. She said, "Soon, you'll have auditions and guys will make advances. If things go beyond control, you see people pushing you to something, inform me. We are here to protect you. Every senior is here to take care of you. Things have happened in past which I won't mention now, but be careful!"

But, but why would someone do something wrong here, this is IIT. I..I shouldn't talk to guys, isn't that what Mom said too. I did not venture out, no society, no roaming in campus. May be I did over-react but it always made me wonder why she said so!

You can't win! You are girls. Girls don't win.             4th Month

"Why you are even working on it, you know girls don't win ILLU!! May you can try Rangoli, that's more a girl thing, you know!", my batchmate said.

"But, but I work hard for it, every night. I want to work for winning, why do you think I can't. I'll show you, I can." A silent gender battle I started within myself, to win against them. And then came Dramatics. So many nights of endless rehearsals. They said, "We had to prove ourselves".

"Why do I have to always prove? May be it will end if I prove this one time." On stage, during the most emotionally sad scene, these bunch of guys laughed. Laughed so hard that everyone laughed, even the judges. I cried. I..I worked hard for this, they can't do this. And, yes they did it only for the girls' hostel! "Come on, you can't win. The laugh might make judges sympathetic and give you a consolation. You shall be thankful", he said. May be, may be he was right. May be we weren't good enough. The next four years, I never told my team we should play to win. I said, we won't, let's just have some fun. 

"Not beautiful, not elected"                           9th Month

"She is not beautiful. Let us choose her, she is beautiful and smart. Guys would give her votes", they said in the hostel. They said, "Let's be practical. We value skills but guys would vote for hotness. Didn't they make her lose last year because she wasn't charming enough?"

But, you are my seniors, I thought. How could you say or think like this. May be you are right. Beauty does matter but I am not pretty. May be, I should become more shady. Shady, so that no one notices. Because notice might bring comments I am not ready to hear. It will bring those chats on DC++ about my body, I don't want to hear that.

"Vigil Team"                            10th Month

"Ladki log aaj bahut badmashi karta hai. Hall day hain na. Pee-paake late jaata, phir humko jaake laana padtha." - said the security didi. The day when everyone gets high at someone's else's hostel. Everyone is allowed to enter every other hostel.

I should, I should come back soon. That would be safe. Then, then I saw them running. What happened I asked. "A batchmate got drunk and they are taking pictures, indecent ones. We got to bring her back." I knew what would follow. Endless pursuit of removing those pictures from DC++, which no matter what, would surface again. 

Thank God I stayed back!

The society has affected us in ways we never realize. IIT KGP was one place where gender insensitivity was ingrained in all genders. It damaged me in ways I couldn't come to terms with.

More to follow.

P.S.  DC++ is a local file sharing hub with chat option.

ILLU is a traditional way of celebrating Diwali at KGP, which involves making giant figures on big structures lighting oil diyas.